She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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