I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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