We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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