He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
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I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
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leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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