I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
