I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she told me i tasted like america
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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