Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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