this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
