Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
