my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
