I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
