singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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