Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
