I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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