I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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