His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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