I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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