Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
