The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
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I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
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She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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