He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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