I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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