How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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