Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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