hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
