Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
