I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
