I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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