I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
