How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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