I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
