I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
