y did u give ur computer a hand job?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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