I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
