Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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