He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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