I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
