ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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