I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Randomize
