I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
