i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
