my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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