Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
