feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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