He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
