Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
