My sheets look like a crime scene.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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