When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
