I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
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