Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
