Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
