I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have feelings that need drinking.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
