I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize