We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
