i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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