My Higher Power is John Stamos
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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