So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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