GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
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Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
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Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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