She went from zero to smokin in five shots
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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