just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
