no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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