Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
