I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
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can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
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Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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