The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
