So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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