And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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