I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
