I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
