I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Randomize
