my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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